Crash

I was in a terrible car accident about a month ago. And what better way to announce it than on Facebook?! I posted pics the next day, and as crude and gruesome the photos were, I'm glad I put it on FB because it quickly allowed my friends and family to know what happened so I didn't have to tell each person one by one. It also was a great conversation starter when seeing everyone in person, which really allowed me to talk freely about the accident and helped me cope with the experience a bit better.

But! For those who don't know what happened, here it is. (grab a drink and get comfy, this is a long read.)

First, a bit of background. Yoshi and I flew down to Orange County to stay with my brother Eric, his wife Wendy, and their 16 month old daughter Ellie for a week. Unfortunately, Tom was unable to take time off for work so he stayed back in SF. We had such a great, relaxing time in southern California. We took advantage of the warm weather and neighborhood swimming pools. Yoshi loved playing with her baby cousin. She also enjoyed walking Sami, "the cutest dog in the world!" according to Yoshi. I even managed to get in a few runs, including one up in the nearby hills and one with my brother.

After spending a week there, the five of us packed up Wendy's car to drive up to the Bay Area together since Eric, Wendy, and Ellie planned to have a mini-vacation here as well as go to my cousin Justin's wedding in SF.

We made good time as we drove past L.A. Yoshi and Ellie were having a good time munching on Cheerio's, blueberries, and TJ's baked snap peas. They watched episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba, which is Ellie's favorite show. It looked like it was smooth sailing as we cruised 75mph on Interstate 5 approaching the Grapevine descent. We we just before the 138 junction (towards Lancaster). Eric drove. Wendy rested in the front passenger's seat. I was in the back (behind Eric) with Ellie (in the middle) and Yoshi (behind Wendy). Everyone was happy and we discussed where we should eat lunch once we made it down the Grapevine.

Then suddenly I hear my brother exclaim "Argh!!" and say something along the lines of "It's gonna hit us!" or something terribly panic-stricken and as I look out my window I see a red car coming at us. Fast. The next thing I knew we veered to our right, across multiple lanes, then struck the the barrier, and flipped all the way over and landed right side up again. Everything felt like slow motion -- seeing the car hit us... us gradually spinning (my quick-thinking brother steered the car into the spin), the jolt as we hit the barrier, then lots of dirt and crunchy, crashing noises as we flipped over.

The first person I saw was Wendy. Her expression was absolute horror as she looked in the back at the children. I think she made a comment that we were in an accident, which made me think, "Oh! That's what happened!" And then she screamed, "Yoshi!! You're bleeding!" I didn't even want to look over.

Yoshi was a bloody mess as it dripped down her face, screaming like you never want to hear your child scream. In my memory I visualize her wearing her red sweater, but in reality she wore an all-white shirt that was covered in blood. Then my niece started crying as she realizes that something is terribly wrong. I had to make a quick decision on what to do. Do I tend to my crying baby niece or to my bleeding daughter? I realized that my Ellie's car seat was super secure and didn't move at all. I made the [correct, whew!] assumption that she was physically okay, so I left her there. I saw Yoshi bleeding all over the place and had to ask myself whether I should pick her up even though she could have a neck/spinal cord injury and risk paralysis. I risked a lifetime of guilt as I picked her up anyway, 'cause she's my baby. I had to get her out of the car and hold her and make sure she was okay. It was only a matter of seconds from the time the crash ended to when I scooped her out of the car, but it felt like eternity. The adrenaline was so intense, it felt like an out-of-body experience concurrently with being so acutely aware of what was going on, with heightened senses and crazy fast thinking. The feeling was like a combination of crystal meth and cocaine.

My brother and SIL immediately called for help on their phone and were able to tend to their baby. My SIL suffered some glass shards in her arm, and a bump on her head from the impact (her window shattered).

I checked Yoshi out and soon realized that the blood was from a gash in her head, but it looked relatively minor, gross and scary, but not too serious. I was so relieved because I know that head cuts usually look a lot worse than they are. I quickly put pressure on it, then remembered that there was a bottle of water in the car, so I got it and rinsed out the laceration to get out any possible dirt or glass that may have entered. The bleeding stopped within minutes. Yoshi was alert and as I pressed around on her body she said that nothing else hurt.

I desperately tried to flag down help. The driver of the other car pulled over. She did not seem injured, but she was an emotional wreck obviously. Someone stopped and told me the police had been notified and an ambulance was only a couple miles away and coming to us. Within 5 minutes there were 2 firetrucks, 2 patrol cars, and an ambulance.

Yoshi threw up a few minutes later, although she didn't seem phased by it. She laughed and said it tasted like cheerios and blueberries. Comic relief is a good thing.

Another random driver stopped and gave me his shirt because the one I was wearing was covered with Yoshi's blood and vomit.

Yoshi had to be strapped down on those papoose boards and put in a neck brace because she later complained of neck pain. It ended up being because of the seatbelt going across her shoulder/neck region, which gave her a little cut.

I called Tom at some point and said, "We've been in a car accident... the car flipped over... Yoshi's bleeding and.." then I lost phone reception. Ugh! Needless to say, he freaked out. It was at least 15 minutes before I could get a hold of him again.

All 5 of us rode in the ambulance [video here] and I tried really hard to keep Yoshi's spirits up (hence why I sound ridiculously upbeat in the video). The nearest hospital was 40 minutes away. I had Yoshi smile in a phone pic and I sent that to Mr. Snoopy so he could see that everything was gonna be okay.

Yoshi got 7 stitches (not a fun experience), a CT scan and xrays. She was okay. We were all okay actually. Amazingly. Sheer luck because I know so many accidents have a far worse ending. My 16 month old niece was fine physically (thank you awesome carseat!), but was in a fragile emotional state for days after. I'm still a little stiff in my neck, but it's not too aggravating and my chiropractor gave me some good treatment and advice for it. My brother still has some back problems that he's being treated for. Wendy has recovered from her cuts and bruises from what I know.

And dude. I was KNITTING in the car during the accident. Holy crap. How no one got impaled with metal needles is a miracle in itself.

After that adventure, we still had to make it home, which was going to be at least a 6 hour drive, which no one was ready to take on. So Yoshi and I went to the nearest airport and paid an insane amount for a 45 minute flight home. As we drank soda on the plane, I lightheartedly said to Yoshi, "Cheers to drinking ginger ale on a plane!" Yoshi responded with a smile, "And cheers to not dying in that car crash today!" I almost lost it right there. And when I saw Mr. Snoopy at the airport, and then my parents and aunt and uncle afterwards (we went to their house), I had never felt more fortunate to be alive.

My doctor said it's natural to slip into a depression following an accident (I think due to the adrenaline or some chemicals released in the brain). I'm currently taking glutathione supplements for this, which seems to help. I had been living off all that adrenaline that day, and I wouldn't let myself break down because I had to be strong for Yoshi. It took a day or two to really allow everything to sink in. It was really hard.

Talking about the accident has been really therapeutic. The days following the accident I surrounded myself with tons of friends and family. I must have told the story 50 times by now. It helps. I feel like a little piece of the horror leaves every time I retell it. But I would randomly break down and cry that first week. And Yoshi, the pragmatic little sweetheart that she is would console me and say, "Aww Mommy, it's okay. Be happy! We're okay. You don't have to be sad because we're okay," as she gave me hugs and pat me on the back.

And so far Yoshi seems to have healed physically and emotionally really well. She talks about it freely and doesn't seem to be too hung up on it, although every once in a while she'll get teary-eyed when she gets to the part about how she really wanted to see Daddy but couldn't. But I'm so incredibly proud of my brave girl. She's such a trooper. She doesn't like to look at her scar herself, and occasionally it gives her some grief with itching or tenderness, but she definitely enjoys showing it off to people who ask about it. Her badge of courage.

I've been in a few cars since the accident, and I personally only driven a couple times (we don't own a car anymore and use a car-sharing service), but I haven't driven on the freeway at all (no real need yet). The first couple days were tough, sudden noises or jolts on public transportation made me jump. And then three days afterward, I was in the car with my mom who almost ran into another car while changing lanes. ugh. Going over potholes on the freeway still make me inwardly cringe a bit.

It can be paralyzing to think about all the possible worst-case scenarios out there, and I know there's nothing I can do to prevent awful things like that from happening, but it's incredibly humbling to realize that our moment here is very short and can end any time without notice.

I'm very grateful for what I have.

And what do I have? A whole slew of medical bills and insurance forms.

But all kidding aside, I'm happy to be here. I have a really great life.