There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. The physical feeling may actually be the same, but the association defines whether that experience brings forth emotions of happiness or unhappiness. Ever since the accident I feel like I've been precariously walking along that line. I've been experiencing a slew feelings, from paranoia and fear to gratefulness and euphoria. And because I'm a person who needs order, I've been trying to keep it contained and make sense of it all.

I am easily paralyzed by my inability and fear to try something new (because OMG what if I fail?!). But lately I feel the urge to pursue something new, perhaps to do something creative with this internal energy I've got going on inside. I'm currently unsatisfied with my work. I haven't been pushing my paper goodies and seeing all my stationery piled up in my room just makes me feel guilty, and I've been feeling less than satisfied with my graphic designs because they don't really represent me. I feel like just scrapping everything and starting all over.

I'm leaning more towards photography, and I'd love to do something with that, but I don't know what. I need to find my strength, my photography niche. I have no idea what that is. I enjoy photographing details, small things, things that may otherwise go unnoticed. But is there a career in that?

And really, I need to stop looking at people's stuff online. Yes, they're beautiful and cool and interesting and so damn creative. But all those blogs I peruse for "inspiration" seem to make me less likely to actually do anything. I see all these great things that I mentally file away for a future personal project to embark on, and none of them ever come to fruition.

Despite not knowing what I want to do with my life, I feel happy. I just hope that I can find some direction and fortitude.