Hanging out with Dad, Day 2

My mom went to Hawaii for a family wedding, but my dad stayed home because he's not physically able to keep up with the demands of travel. They both asked me to stay with my Dad in Santa Clara to keep an eye on him. My dad asked, "I need you to babysit me. Can you?"

Saturday night, 9:30pm ramblings

This morning my dad woke me up, earlier than I wanted to. What I wanted was to sleep in until as late as possible. But my dad has always done this, waking me up early on the weekends even when I had nothing planned for the day (which was often the case as a kid). He was so chipper though, and offered to make me breakfast, taking requests. I suggested oatmeal. And then he said, "What do you want in it? Brown sugar? Milk? Prunes? Strawberries? Raisins?" And so I said a little brown sugar, strawberries, and some milk. I fell back asleep during the ten minutes he prepared breakfast. 

He gave me orange juice. Then asked if I wanted coffee. "YES!" I said. "Oh, we don't have any," he replied, "Er, maybe there's some instant coffee your mother bought." I declined and had tea instead. 

We had a nice chat over breakfast about his stint in the army. I thought all this time he chose to enlist, but it turns out he was drafted. Duh, it was the 60's during Vietnam War era.

He said that looking back, he was glad that he went through it. He told me about his camera (that's on permanent loan to me) that he bought in Korea in his army days. He told me about a 2 week vacation to Japan where he travelled with a tourist group and he didn't know anyone. He said he saw a lot of temples.

"You know, when we all went to Japan a few years back, it seemed that everything changed except the temples. Those things always stay the same."

And then we had to figure out what we were going to do for the rest of the day. "I hear San Jose has a museum… an Egyptian one," he said. As we pondered the possibilities of walking through a golden tomb, my dad's cousin (Auntie Barbara) called and asked if we wanted to join her in a day trip to Salinas to see her mom (Auntie Mary). My dad and I both thought this was a great idea. 

Auntie Barbara picked us up an hour later and we went to the retirement community where Auntie Mary, who suffers from Alzheimers (or maybe it's just dementia) has been living for maybe 5 years. I'm pretty sure she never knew who exactly I was, though she completely knew my dad. Her short-term memory is failing, something that my grandmother went through too. She asked about my job 5 times. Each time I phrased it slightly different. 

"I'm a graphic designer and a photographer."

"I draw pictures on the computer and take pictures with a camera."

"I do graphic arts. And take photos."

She had three different responses she cycled through. 

"That must take a lot of creativity."

"Gee, I bet you get to meet some interesting people!"

"Do you get to travel a lot? No? You should ask your boss to pay for more trips." (my favorite one)

I like the retirement home she lives in. Residents seem nice. Staff seems nice. The facilities are clean and well kept. And there are cookies and other refreshments in the lobby. And chirping parakeets in the common area. My dad stated that he wants a pet bird again. He really wants a dog, but my mom won't have it because she knows she'll have to take care of it.

Seeing the old folks line up waiting for the dining room to open from lunch gave me an immediate flashback to my first job when I was 14 and worked waiting tables for a retirement home. A mad dash at two miles per hour with lots of people using walkers and canes. My dad could have easily fit in with them. 

It was great to see Auntie Mary. She'll be 90 this year, but spry for her age and still has her great sense of humor and her say-it-how-it-is wisdom. She still has joy, which I love. 

She and my dad laughed a lot. My dad loves Auntie Mary.

Auntie Barbara told me that Auntie Mary was really angry for being put in a retirement home. Auntie Barbara said it took about a year to get over the anger, and then eventually Auntie Mary forgot about her previous home so then wasn't mad anymore.

But then later in the day Auntie Mary confide this to me, "I hated having to give up my own home. I miss it. But I know living here makes my kids feel better about my well-being. It makes them happy knowing that I'm taken care of." I told her she should try to enjoy people fussing over her. She's always been incredibly independent, so this is hard for her. She remembers (at least occasionally) more than others realize.

As we were leaving, Auntie Mary said to me, very loudly so my dad could hear, "Now don't get into mischief and worry your parents! That's not fun!" and then she pulled me aside and whispered, "Actually, you should have all the fun you can while you're young," and gave me a big hug. 

Aw, Auntie Mary! I love her.

I couldn't stay awake in the car ride home. The lack of coffee finally took its toll and I dozed off while Auntie Barbara drove us back. By the time we got home I was irritable and still very tired (but thankfully, no headache). I put on my sneakers ready to walk to the nearest Starbucks, slightly less than a mile away, to give in to my coffee craving. My dad noticed me lacing up my shoes.

Dad: You're going on a walk?

Me: Yeah, well, I really need coffee so I thought I'd get some exercise and walk to the coffee shop.

Dad: Oh, if you're going on a walk, then let's go to the high school track and walk together. I should go on a walk today too.

Me: I really need to get some coffee.

Dad: Then why don't you take my truck and drive?

Me: But I want to walk.

Dad: If you want to walk, then let's go to the track.

Let me interject here by saying that my dad does 1 lap at the track when he walks. That's a quarter of a mile. I wanted to walk further than that. And holy crap my caffeine withdrawal was getting worse by the minute.

Me: But I neeeeeed cooooffffeee! Look how grumpy I am! (I make a grumpy face)

Dad: Then go drive there! 

Me: But I want to walk!!

Dad: ...You know, these days, there are crazy people out there. You shouldn't be walking alone. 

Me: Daaaad! It's Santa Clara at 4:30 in the afternoon. I'm walking to the Starbucks at Safeway. It's perfectly safe. You were just saying this morning how much you love Santa Clara.

Dad: And you shouldn't let Yoshi walk alone.

Me: What? I don't. We walk with her. She's too small. Cars don't see her.

Dad: Good! Because she shouldn't walk alone.

Me: Um, I still would like my coffee.

Dad: Okay.

Me: ?? so…

Dad: …

Me: Okay, how about we drive to Starbucks together, and afterwards we go to the high school and walk around the track.

Dad: Sounds good. Now where are my keys?

Me: On the key hook.

After drinking an iced coffee, which the idea of drinking coffee cold completely baffled and disgusted my dad, we left and headed to my old high school down the street, finally ready to go on our walk.

And you know what? He walked around the track twice!

After all that exercise we went to the new ramen house for dinner.

I continued my original mission with the cleaning of the house. I swept the floors. I cleaned the master bathroom. I tackled the kitchen, but only made it partially. I managed to clean the sink, most of the counters, window sill, got most of the gunky stuff off the walls. I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floor. 

I wonder if they will even notice. I can hardly tell myself. It still looks like this, but add on 6 more years of clutter and construction. The remodel is still not done.  

http://littlesnoopy.blogspot.com/2006/01/bless-this-mess.html

Baby steps.