A farewell

My dad died early yesterday morning. My mom called me at 3:30am telling me that he could go at any moment, so I hopped in a car and drove the 50 miles south as fast as I safely could down to the rehab center he was at. I left Yoshi and her BFF (she was having a sleepover) at my place with a note to call me in the morning. I left a message with Tom to let him know and to ask him to pick the girls up early since I wasn't there.

My dad passed about 30 minutes before I got there. But I had said my goodbyes to him on Saturday (when I took this pic of us), so I'm not too upset for not being there at that moment. He was not on any kind of medication, nor hooked up to any machines, and not in any pain. As peaceful as one can go in the state he was in.

Uncle Murphy (my dad's brother) and Auntie Nadine, along with my Auntie Barbara (my dad's cousin) and Uncle Ken were also with us. It was comforting to be together as we said our goodbyes. We continued to share stories about my dad while we were together.

There was a lovely buddhist service conducted at his beside shortly thereafter, which I facetimed with Eric down in Orange County who could not be with the rest of us so he could participate. I don't consider myself religious, but there was a deep comfort at hearing the Sutra chantings.

The mortuary company came to pick him up, and the rep asked if my dad served in the military, and we said yes, in the US army. We waited out in the hallway while he got my dad ready for transport, and we were quite touched and emotional when he was wheeled out covered in the flag. I think even my stoic mom had a tear in her eye at seeing my dad being honored like this.

It killed me break the news to my daughter over the phone. She started moaning and crying, the absolute sound of grief and heartbreak. I wish I could have been there to deliver the news in person, but I did see her later in the evening and she cried in my arms as I squeezed her tight. 

My mom and I spent the rest of the day with all the busywork we could do. She insisted to make all the calls to various places: social security, AARP, medicare, etc. We went to the mortuary to make arrangements for cremation. Uncle Ed and Auntie Misa took us out to lunch where I gorged myself on Japanese curry and tonkatsu. We cleaned the house a little. Various friends and family called to give us their condolences. 

My dad's friend texted my mom: I'm so sorry to hear about Arthur. Today I lost my best friend. He later came over to drop off some food. 

By evening, we were plopped on the couch. Mom and I watched her pre-recorded soap operas and we relaxed. She fell asleep for a bit while I got reacquainted with General Hospital. Then we watched some terrible made-for-tv Christmas movie. Then I drove home and spent time with Yoshi. 

I feel lighter now that my dad is gone. Of course I grieve his passing, but you all know that we've been suffering his slow decline over the years. But the worst of his suffering was quick. And now we can all heal, continue to live, and keep him alive through our memories of him.