Gifts

I'm terrible at giving gifts. No, that isn't entirely true. I know I occasionally give excellent gifts. But for traditional occasions – birthdays, Christmas, weddings – that's where I falter.

I didn't give Yoshi a gift for her birthday. She also didn't ask for one. Nor did she even mention that I didn't give her anything. I mean, I suppose I gave her a birthday party and a shopping spree for her and her friends. And made that cake. And picking out treats at the fancy candy shoppe.

Maybe, somehow, she learned that it's not so much the physical gifts that are important, but the experiences and the sentiments behind the ritual of gift giving.

I'm going to a baby shower in a couple hours. I still need to put together some kind of gift. I had meant to pick something up after work yesterday, but I didn't get out of the office until after 9pm, so I nixed the shopping plans. Looks like this morning I'll be running across the street to Safeway to get a giftcard for Amazon or Target or wherever my friend is registered. Luckily, I do have a baby hat I knit a while ago. At least there's a touch of handmade love to give her.

I'm also going to see my parents today for my dad's birthday. Again, no gift. My presence is present enough, right? Because I'm their favorite daughter! Judging by his health, I don't know how many birthdays my dad has left, and I know I've admitted this before, but I hope that number is very low. I've been wishing this for years now, but we know that wishes don't mean things will come true.

What's hardest to see is not my dad's deteriorating body nor his mind dulling. But that lack of life luster. It would be really great if somehow my dad could be happy. That would be the greatest gift. I'm not the one who can give it to him though.