Hurts so good

I suffer from chronic back pain. For years. It's the worst in the morning, which makes me think my mattress is not helping. I will actually cry out in pain. Picking my laundry basket off from the floor is a struggle. This is why I haven't been on my bike in more than a year-and-a-half, because it hurts too much to carry my super heavy, awkward step-thru frame up and down two flights of stairs.

My doctor gave me some exercises to do, but never really worked.

Finally, over drinks (of course!) one of my friends that I used to run with tells me that she gets bodywork done with a Rolfer.

What the hell is rolfing? 

"It's kind of like deep tissue sports massage. It sometimes hurts and I want to cry and punch my rolfer, but afterwards I can move in ways that I couldn't before. It really has changed how I move."

Interesting.

I look into this rolfing thing. In general, there isn't a lot of scientific funding for massage therapy research, but anecdotally people seem to benefit. I mean, those of you who get massages know how good it makes you feel, even if temporary.

I contemplate and research for about a month, all the while my back pain continues to exacerbate. I finally decide, "Fuck it, I'm gonna invest in this technique and see what happens."

I book an appointment with my friend's Rolfer, Michael.

At the initial meeting, we talk about what ails me (physically, haha). I tell him about my back issues. I don't mention my runner's knee problem. He looks at my posture, my gait, the curvature of my spine.

Soon I'm on the table. Here we go!

I've done soft-tissue therapy before, so this was not completely new. But wow, I was not expecting parts of it to be so arduous. As Michael really gets in deep to break up fascia or whatever magiks, my body is reacting in all sorts of ways.

He uncovers one of the major culprits that's causing my pain – my iliacus and psoas muscles, the hip flexors. As he moves around, I react.

"Oh, this is it," he says, "Can you feel that?" He pushes into a knot just under my hip bone.

"Holy crap, yes!" I gasp.

"These muscles run from the front of your body and connects to your back. Right now it's pulling tight and giving you some of that back pain."

He digs deep into discovered knots there, pushing and kneading along the muscles as he grips my hip bone. He has me do a series of leg movements to help facilitate the relaxing of the muscles.

You know how some stretches feel really good? Like stretching your arms after a nap? This is not how this feels.

This feels more like when your hamstrings are really tight and you sit with your legs in front of you and try touch your flexed toes, and when just you think you can't reach any further someone pushes down on your back. That burning feeling that makes you grimace in pain? Yes, it feels more like that.

Also, my hip/pelvis is the one place I'm ticklish. This part of my body has never been touched this way before. These sensations are new, contradictory, and simultaneous.

My body does not know how to handle.

I break into a cold sweat despite the room being heated. My heart is racing. I would mention never getting such a workout by lying down, but that'd be a lie and let's keep this blog PG-13 shall we.

But there is a moment where I can feel the tension release a bit, like trauma slowly melting away. Aha! I can feel my back pain actually ease up.

The rest of the session is manageable. It ends with him holding my neck and head, pulling up ever-so-slightly, which feels surprisingly comforting and relaxing. I want to nap at this point.

After I'm dressed, we talk about how the session went. I tell him I feel a little better and I'd like to continue to get bodywork from him.

~~~

Each session varies from the previous one, in that there are different areas of focus, with the goal that the body will become rebalanced through myofascial manipulation. Yesterday was my third session. He focused a lot on my hip alignment. I can't even remember what he was doing, but there was a lot of wincing on my part. It's a good exercise in pain management. I remind myself that it's a physical sensation, to feel it, to try to relax and be open with it. My neurons tell me otherwise.

After each session, Michael asks me how I feel. Honestly, I always feel like I want to take a nap, which I usually do later on that day. But yesterday, as I walked around the neighborhood, I felt different. My back pain was not so intense. I stood straighter. I felt floaty and expansive. I don't know the words to properly describe it other than peace.

This morning I got out of bed without feeling like an 85-year old. Maybe more like a 65-year old.

I'm sold. I will join this myofascial cult and drink all the kool-aid.